My Dream

The other day I had to talk to the high school guidance counselor, to plan for college. Like anybody at that school really cares. All they're concerned about is turning out the next generation of robots to blindly keep the system together. That's why it's important to have aliens like me around, to be proud of being different and shake up their pathetic little worldviews. But whatever, I decided to humor the guidance counselor anyway, because I really do have a plan for after graduation.


I want to go back to St. Louis and attend Washington University, majoring in biology and engineering.

Claire and I could share an expensive little apartment downtown, and we could support each other as we get our doctorates. I could get an internship with a major biotech firm, and earn some extra money by being a tour guide at the Budweiser Brewery.

When we aren't working or studying, Claire and I could go to the zoo or the science center, the little park with the turtle statues, or even get some frozen custard at Ted Drew's. It's such a perfect and romantic future, Claire has to see that it's destiny!

Someday I'm gonna smash those glasses...

My life has gotten kinda crazy these past few days, so I've been thinking more and more about the past. I mean, I may be some awesome alien-god who can cruise the atmosphere like no one's business, but even I've got my problems. Everyone has problems, and anyone who says otherwise is obviously a robot and must be stopped.

Sure, Costa Verde is a nice town, but it can't hold a candle to my hometown, St. Louis. The Cardinals are better than any baseball team on the west coast, and there's this great place downtown that serves crepes, and they're better than even the Burnt Toast Diner's famed waffles.

But I just didn't feel safe there anymore, not after that creepy guy with the glasses jumped me from behind the bushes as I was on my way to school. I'm still undergoing therapy after that. But he'll get his in the end. If I ever see him again, I'm going get a gun and put a bullet through the lenses of his horn-rimmed glasses.

But life's not all bad. I've managed to get that hottie Claire Butler to fall for me. Who knows, maybe we might end up as a serious couple, and she'll invite me to dinner with her parents.

PS: If you want a hot chick to fall for you too, just humiliate her in class. It worked for me!